yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
