my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sext me about skeletons
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
