I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
