her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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