yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
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I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
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I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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