She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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