there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
