I just cut my nipple shaving
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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