just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
