Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
