So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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