i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
