im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
