apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
