People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
This house was built for laser tag.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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