she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
