Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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