im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
