I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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