yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
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im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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