this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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