Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
