Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
