Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
