My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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