You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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