So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
