Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
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