at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
