the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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