I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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