kristin has been a bad kristin
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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