Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
