i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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