Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
