Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
