I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
