You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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