hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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