he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
