I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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