if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
