You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
