Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We left an ass print on the piano.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
