I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
