We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
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Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
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Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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