Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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