Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
