You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
