I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Randomize
