we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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