I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
