never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
