we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
