I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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