Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
