My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
