I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
