I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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