I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
