i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All the doctor said was why
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
