im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
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Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
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Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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