I need help removing her.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
