Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
