he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
