First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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