How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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