Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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