Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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