I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
