i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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