tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
