Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize