I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
