Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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