PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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