who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Randomize
