Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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