we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You pole danced in your parka.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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