he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
