I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
