Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
