i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
