All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
