Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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