Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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